cycling

so i took richard's bike out today. richard... you are too tall. how am i supposed to ride if my legs cant touch the ground. it makes me sad. i am asking for a bike for my birthday. i wanna ride. i like it.. but i dont have a good bike. oh and i think i am realizing the need for bike shorts. that seat is not the most comfortable thing. on my dyno... i usually stood the whole time... so i really didnt see the need. but i definitely can tell now. if anyone has a good idea for a bike let me know

crash and burn

man last night... wow... i fell asleep around 430 last night... well i guess afternoon. and i woke up this morning around 830. i know... that cant be good. but that is what happened. i didnt sleep straight through. i remember that i did wake up at different times during the night... but always almost instantly fell back to sleep. i dont know what to think about that. i got 7 hours the night before. so i really dont think that had anything to do with it. i just cant help but wonder what would cause that much sleep. and i am sure you could guess... i am still super tired. i cant afford going back to sleep though. i mean i have to get some reading done. but anyway. i am on book 5 now. i want to try to get it done today. i dont know if that will happen though. we will see.

work all night.... sleep all day

life can get so stressful. it seems like all i have time for is reading and working. yeah i get a small nap at night.... but that is never enough.... i have gotten 3 books out of the way... but i am now reading this one book that seems like it will take a few days at least of just pure reading to get through. it is so long. i am hoping to get through a section or 2 today.. but i dont know if that is going to happen. we will see im sure. i think being outside all the time is starting to wear down on me as well. i think i am a few shades darker now... which is kindof scary considering i havent left for the desert yet. but yeah... i think i am actually only gonna work 1 day this week. i didnt mean for that to happen... but i think i am gonna have to stay home tomorrow. but anyway... i am really tired... and have a bunch of reading to do. so i will let this post trail away to nothing.

Mormonism

so... i was sitting outside at the park again. this time i was sitting under a tree as to not get too burned. live and learn. but it was interesting. these mormons came up to me. i saw em coming and wondered if they would come up to me... and sure enough they did. i let them do there talk. but once they got to the jesus coming to america i had to tell them i thought they were wrong. they were ok with that. grateful i gave them the time. we talked a little. they gave me the book of mormon and then were on their way. they actually asked me if they could come back and talk to me another day. i said i dont know... i might not be sitting here that day... but who knows. so i have this book of mormon. it got me thinking actually. because i had to speak at youth today. and i thought. i cant just let this pass without using it. so i gave a little test to the youth group. most could not tell the difference between the new testament and the book of mormon. interesting. but i didnt stay on that... that was just a point. it was just an interesting day... wasnt expecting that encounter.

burnt

i went outside today. took a bike ride to the park and sat outside and read one of my many books... still not done with it.... but i ended up sitting out there for a couple hours. i am officially burnt. my skin now has this nice shade of red to it. i think my farmers tan is almost gone... thats good. but anyway.... its funny. as much as sunburns can hurt.. they kindof feel good as well. there is a sense of having done something when you get a sunburn. i didnt spend the day inside. more than i have done in a long time. its nice. i miss the outside. there are so many great things that come with it. but ok... i need to get back to reading... i am almost halfway through the first book. i just hope more didnt arrive in the mail today...

the beginning

alright.... so another day another post. i have opened my first book, read my first chapter, and to be honest i dont see it happening. i am gonna try. oh yeah i will try. but the amount of reading in front of me leaves me really discouraged. it is just so hard to get motivated. there is one thing i know for sure though.... at the end of this i will be so smart when it comes to the church.... more specifically in the middle east. i guess that could come in handy some day....

oh and on top of all the reading... i am so gosh darn tired. i allow myself plenty of time for sleep, but it never seems to work.... i think i need to get a sleep study done... something tells me it all has to do with sleep quality. maybe it is the times that i wake up at night.... sometimes it is more than others... or at least times that i realize i wake up. i dont know... what would keep me from sleeping well. or is it all in my head... maybe i sleep like a baby every night. i wish i could find out. maybe fix a couple of things. but anyway... that wasnt the point of this post. i just think that being a little rested would help me in reading this summer. but ok... i must go... i have things like reading that needs to be done.

reading

you know i like reading just as much as the next person... but i was looking at my reading list for this summer and it is going to be hard. i dont really know what i am going to do. but i think in the matter of a month i need to have about 11 books read... aahhhh!!!!!! these are long books. and i have another book i just found about today that needs to be read by august. i dont know how that is going to be done. needless to say there will be less tv and a lot more reading. i dont think i will be working as much as i thought. i mean that is about 3 books a week. oh crap that is too much.... if any of you wish to help me out with this you can feel more than welcome. man this is totally on top of a bunch of papers. what were these teachers thinking. i am really gonna have to pace myself.

i dont understand the concept behind so much work... i mean how am i supposed to comprehend that much information in that amount of time. kindof makes you want to question the whole system. but then i think i am not really willing to challenge the system when i dont have that much breathing room. speaking of breathing room i think i just took up all that i have in writing this....

relationships

i got to thinkin today about friendships and other such relationships. it's interesting. i love people. i love knowing them. relating in different ways with them. but it always hurts when they leave your life. yeah they will always be a part of my life. i wont let it be any other way. those that i get close with... i cant let them leave. not completely. but i hate it when something happens that makes it come to a hault. i grow to love certain people. and when they leave... when you dont seem to be around them or as close to them anymore... it always hurts so much. it gets me thinking. is it worth it. are relationships worth the hurt. well of course they have to be right? will relationships be preserved into the next life? one must wonder

Cancellation

today i was supposed to go to lunch with my old youth pastor, billy. he called me up right before i was going to leave to meet him and had to cancel. he had a good excuse, but it still stinks. it seems like everytime you get your hopes up... they only fall harder. life seems full of disappointment. sometimes though something in you says i am going to take the risk. you let yourself become vulnerable and then you either are fulfilled or fall harder than you could of ever dreamed. sometimes i wonder is it worth it?

new blog

ok i gave in.... i am moved to an actual blog site. i used myspace for a little bit. and i still might do some on that.... but really i dont know... i dont see the point in blogs really. so i am just kindof writing. it is a way to waste time. i know i shouldnt be wasting time. but i am done with school and just want a way to sit back and not do much. i have a lot to do to get ready for jordan yes. but i want to sit back and relax. but ok here is the start of something new. hope whoever reads it enjoys it.