What a Week!

so... i just got back from theatre state competition. it was fun. we did really well and it was great actually performing on a real stage... a lot different from that recital hall stage. in all actuality i think we should have won.. but we are a small christian school and we dont have a program... and heck who would let a play with such a strong christian message go through like that... but it was fun. it was definitely interesting trying to live with so many people for a weeks time... i now definitely know that i am an introvert. i was ready to strangle several people before the week was out... but it is ok. that is life right... i am home. i get to relax a little.

i decided while there not to really do any homework... i brought some stuff to read... but that was really it. that was really nice. because of that.. i got the time to rest that was given to us. so i wasnt going going going... and then resting times werent filled with frantic homework. that was really nice... but now that i am back... all that i want to do still is sleep. i think i will probably go to bed early and hope that i dont have anything that i really need to get done... maybe that will be ok... we'll see.

i skipped church for the first time in a long time today. it was nice... got to sleep in. i feel like church has become a task for me to do. i hate that. the way that i have begun to view things regarding God is a little wrong... i need to get away from this task idea. like oh i need to pray today... or oh.. i need to go to church. i need to be a part of this or that... that isnt the focus at all. i want to be one with Him. my focus should be on the desire to be on with my Lord. a part of the great imperfect bridegroom of the perfect groom. so missing church was nice. it helped me to get out of this idea that i need to go. i should go... but not for that reason. so yeah... that is enough of that... until next time

internship and other such things

yeah... so apparently i havent really been posting anything basically ever... not my intention. life has kindof been getting away from me. there are so many things to do or so many things just occupying my thoughts... i just dont even remember this thing exists sometimes. i want to be more solid about this, but i honestly could never promise that. but i will write something now... with the hopes that i will write again later...

so... whats going on in my life.... well... i have been trying to find an internship... i really dont know where it will happen. i have one opportunity in front of me... and it seems like an interesting one. the worship leader at this church is known as the associate pastor of creative arts and communication. i understand his reasoning behind this title. he doesnt want people thinking that worship is just on sunday mornings when he gets up and plays some music... i have a feeling though that me and him would get into some theological arguments.... tasteful ones... yet arguments none the less.... he holds some ideas that go along with this new style known as emerging worship. this is a very interesting concept, and it intrigues me... but i am unsure my thoughts on the entire thing. we are called to bring praise to God with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs.... yes.. that doesnt and i dont think should be used to exclude other forms of worship, but it shouldnt be ignored either. something he said the other night makes me think this. he told me that worship should be whatever a person is gifted in and talented in being offered up to God, and if there is an entire church of tone deaf people, music should be left out... i think that is a extreme... i mean first of all i dont think it possible to have an entire church of tone deaf people... but the bible specifically calls for us to bring music to the Lord. it is as a pleasing aroma to Him. yes, i am sure we should use everything he have... everything we do in the worhsip of our God... but we shouldnt exclude worship. God doesnt care if the music is in tune... if it is a fantastic show... he just wants to see our hearts poured out on an alter before His feet. there is so much that can be expressed in music that can be said in music... expressions that make corporate worship logical. we can all sing a song to the Lord together, as one body, but we cannot tangibly paint a picture as one to bring it to Him. each person trying will be thinking different things and meaning different things... it wont be the body as one. YES! Paint in Honor of God. DANCE in HIS HONOR. BUILD in HIS HONOR. DO WHAT YOU LOVE IN HIS HONOR. but music is a tool, an offering that is hard to match. and even if there isnt one person in the church that can hold a tune... it is still called for.

but anyway.... i still wonder.... i know there are things there that will stretch me... mold me... and i really honestly dont know how the church functions in its entirety. and i should go at least once before deciding anything... so i will... i just wonder if this is the right place.. can i be a creative arts intern... i dont know... that is interesting to me.... it provokes a lot of thoughts as i am sure you can tell.. :) but alright... whatelse is going....

i am currently trying to figure out my rooming situation for next year.... i think i am almost there.... my current roommate still might be my roommate for next year... but i just dont know how it would work... she might move to this thing called the ministry house... which would mean i need to find another roommate... which i am currently trying to do... it is kind of stressful... but ok... i know i will get it all handled... i am just trying to get some loose ends worked out.... it should be fine.... but yeah... thats about it... maybe i will post again... soon enough.

BACK

alright well i am back at school... it has been a couple of weeks now... classes are going alright... there are a couple that definitely frustrate me more than i wish. but that is ok.. i am almost done i think with my insane semesters. i have started to think about next year and classes as well as leadership positions i wish to pursue. i am thinking about either the assistant director of cause. cause being the ministries that jbu has. or i am considering RA of possibly the townhoues. i dont know... we will see that is for sure. but i have also started thinking about my internships. i have to do 2. i want to do 1 at a record label. that is after all what i am thinking i want to do in my future. who knows if that is going to happen. i am excited about it though. i dont know when i am going to though. i know next summer is technically when i should do it... but i am a little concerned with the fact that i kindof want to go back to jordan and that is that summer. i really miss it there. it was a lot of fun and i made a lot of friends. maybe someday... but i have a feeling that it wont be until a while from now... stink huh... oh well... that is about it for now... i will write more later.