recently... i have been recognizing reasons behind what i do... and who i have become... there are things... especially lately that have required me to decide things... for those of you that know me well... you know that i am not a good decision maker... it is very hard for me to make up my mind on even the smallest thing... sometimes i think it is good to be careful when making a decision... others... like the majority of the time... i just tend to overanalyze. what i have been noticing is the reason i tend to overanalyze... i am a very fearful person... what is there to fear right? well... there could be plenty to fear... the fear of making the wrong decision is something that often comes up in my mind... to choose one means you could be choosing the wrong one... one would think... well. that could be a noble fear... well not when trying to simply decide which kind of popcorn to pop for a party... cheesy or buttery... its crippling. how can someone walk forward when all they think about is what if they walk the wrong way..
more recently however.. i have been afraid of concequences... this is more specific than just the wrong decision. i am not just saying bad concequences... i think in our eyes... the eyes of man... either choice can bring both bad and good concequences.. i weigh these things like crazy when it comes to making a decision. well if i do this.. then this... if i dont... then this... this could make me happy... but it could also cause some long term damage... well... again... is that all that bad... think through things... we were given a mind... well... i have been thinking lately... yes... funny... because i am about to go against thinking... kind of a paradox. yes we are given a mind... but i dont think it was given for us to overanalyze. if it were... then.. how would we ever allow the Lord to guide... analyzing is done through our own minds... through our own eyes... what good is seeing through our own eyes when our master is guiding us already with his all seeing perfect eye.
now... again... i say these things... and i mean them... but.. i am a long way away from making them 100% in my life... practicum is different than head/word knowledge. i am trying not to allow fear to control... but i am afraid that sometimes... after thinking on something so long... that your mind gets clouded... it becomes hard to see what you wish to see... i want to keep man's guidance... and my own thoughts and fears out of a decision. that just leads to confusion.
its interesting though... if i take fear out of the decision... the path to a certain direction becomes fairly clear... or is that just me thinking that? how can we be sure to be lead... apart from fear?
1 comment:
what fears do you have?
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