im finding myself getting really lonely lately. i miss friends. i miss what had become my home. four years in one place and now i am gone. yes... now i am back in a place that i have spent much more than 4 years... ive lived in texas for the past 22 years... or at least this has been my permanent location. school however became my home. this past year i had my own place. i had neighbors. it was home. now i am sitting in a bed that doesnt belong to me... that i am very grateful to be given... but still feel lacking. i love my friends here. but im sad to say... there is no one my age that i hang out with here anymore. my brother and his wife are the closest, but they are family... not exactly the same.
i do like being back... and i know it is a good place for me... but i am missing the human interaction. i try to keep myself busy.. but the time still passes slowly. i guess what it comes down to is... i miss my friends. i miss them all. i even miss my bosses. and the thought that those people arent coming back ever.. except for periodic visits... really really saddens me. i know they will forever be a part of my life... in one way or another. everyone i have come in contact with has in part made me who i am today. God will continuously shape me with the situations, things, and people around me.
there are seasons in our lives... and my time in undergrad is over. i find myself thinking about the next stage.. still unsure of things but trying to step out the directions i believe God is placing my passions. my face has hit by several slamming doors... and i have no doubt that will continue to happen. but eventually i will step the way God desires... and i am sure i will flinch... but amazingly... it wont hit. i will continue walking as far as His little lamp lets me see. but until that point... i have a feeling... i am lonely for a reason. i am being taught something i am sure. what... still not sure. but i am learning that well... we cant always know.
